you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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