you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
