At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
