thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
