why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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