Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
