Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
