Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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