angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
