i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
