So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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