Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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