I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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