im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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