Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hippo gnu deer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
