eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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