hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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