my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
