i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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