Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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