if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
