Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
