Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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