i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
