Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
