remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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