Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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