im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
