I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
