You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
