I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
