So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
