.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
