fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
