just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
