i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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