she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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