my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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