Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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