I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
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just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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