When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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