i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
