i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
