I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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