yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
