So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
