Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
