Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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