They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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