Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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