wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
