You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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